also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
