Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize