How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
