worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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