She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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