she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
