good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
