Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
