My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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