you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
