Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
