I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize