If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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