she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
