I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
