I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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