Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
