Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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