I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
