I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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