I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
