I have demons in me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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