I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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