You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
