It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
is that a dick in a sweater?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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