I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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