I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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