please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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