Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Alive.
So much puke
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
