Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
