Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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