Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
