whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
