Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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