brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
