proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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