I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize