Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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