He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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