He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
