one two three fourrrrnication!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
