Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
