I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
