Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
