Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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