he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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