you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
