im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
