the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
