Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
