I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
