i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
