I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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