$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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