I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
