the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
