I think I am morally bankrupt
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
