I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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