Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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