I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
