Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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