I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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