Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
