it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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