My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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