from now on my penis is your penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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