I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
