I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
