Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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