You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
