The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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