I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
