Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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