Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
