Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
