What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
