I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
