I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I cockslap morals
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
