to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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